My Breaking Point

So yesterday, a loyal reader/friend of the program informed me of a story here informing the world that there will soon be a remake of the cinematic classic “Point Break.” For those not in the know, the movie can be summed up thusly: Swayze, Reeves, FBI agent infiltrates operation of bank robbing surfers. In a very weird twist, it is directed by Kathryn Bigelow, the former Mrs. James Cameron who won a Best Director Oscar in 2008 for “The Hurt Locker.”

To remake a work as complete and flawless as “Point Break” is a truly blunderous and tragic error. Have any painters tried to “re-envision” Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel? Have any poets tried to “improve” Shakespeare’s sonnets? Of course not! These are all magnificent works of art that withstand the fickle nature of popular culture, and society as a whole. To try to change them in any way, to reshape them to appease a “modern” audience, betrays the artistic integrity with which they were created. They represent the nature of true art: timeless and powerful throughout the ages, transcending the vacillations of a world where trends and flash and rule over substance. Instead, through their beauty and elegance, these works connect generations.

And so we arrive back at “Point Break.” This film* has everything one could ever ask for. It has action, romance, intrigue, and classic one-liners (see examples here, here, and here). You have Swayze and Reeves at the height of their powers: Swayze with his unparalleled coolness, and Reeves with his unparalleled vacantness. There’s Gary Busey in an Oscar-worthy turn as the prototypical grizzled veteran cop, Angelo Pappas. There is, too, the obligatory, comically terrible romantic subplot that exists in nearly every action movie. It has it all.

*I refuse to call it a movie. My favorite trope of the stereotypical cinematic snob is to refer to anything remotely decent as a “film.” This device can be used seriously (e.g., “'Avatar' was truly the most important film of our generation.”) or ironically (e.g., “It’s a real film, Jack.” [from Boogie Nights, obviously]). Either way, as long as you say it while closing your eyes, you will have created the perfect caricature.

So why, then, must we attempt to tweak what is already so well done? This type of nitpicking is how legacies are sullied and careers destroyed. While the laziness that comes with simply rebooting a long-dormant franchise has become a vital part of moviemaking these days (Smurfs? Tron? Land of the Lost? Who is asking for these movies?), usually the movies that get remade are eminently improvable. Between Point Break and the forthcoming “Footloose” remake**, things have now gone too far.

**I talk about this video far too often, but please do yourself a favor and watch the Footloose warehouse dance solo. You can’t possibly see this and think it can be improved upon. Kevin Bacon, crushing beer and cigarettes, dancing his emotions out. Gold.

I also want to deliver a special message to Keanu Reeves: don’t do it! I know making a cameo seems like a good idea, but it isn’t. Instead, you should protest this film’s creation. Take legal action if you must. Anything to protect the good name of Special Agent/Ohio State Quarterback Johnny Utah. Raising Swayze rise from the grave, “Ghost”-style, would likewise help create the grassroots movement needed to keep the original Point Break as the only Point Break.